ijenun goodbye.goodbye.goodbye. narul ttona budi haengbokhae
my mum likes to repeat this particular story. Like how when I was much younger, I'd kick up a big fuss and complain, cry or whine when guests were leaving my place.
In all honesty, I've never remembered if anything like that ever happened. Maybe I was too young, and the lonliness got to me.
Either way, I've realised growing through the years that I've always had this possessive streak. Like something is either mine, or not mine. All or nothing. Like sharing isn't an issue. Its been abit like that with friends apparently. Even normal platonic friends whom I'm slightly closer to cause we have some sort of a common topic, I'd get all weird cause they start talking to someone else. No idea how to explain it, maybe someday I'd take a module in psychology to understand it more. but yea. Which is probably why I push so many friends away sometimes.
I'd gather sometimes that I got all the 'bad' traits from my parents: the 'childish-ness' from my mum, and the obstinate lifelong values from my dad.
I really should be taking my father's advice: expect more than your own abilities from yourself, but expect less from others than your own abilities. like not whining at your team-mates for missing the goal and trying to score on your own instead.
There's somethings I believe in, and I hate when its compromised. It riles me even more when its caused by something or someone else, and I've to go back on those beliefs. It gets to me like nothing else, which is why I blow my top at it. I'm pretty patient with most stuff. but press the wrong button, and well., not so nice jason comes out.
but like I've been thinking, what does it matter to you? Nothing really. Much of the irritation's built upon that same possesive streak in me I guess.
I guess what I've been trying to say is that, maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems, maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets.. ok la not funny LOL.
maybe the close proximity's getting to me. I'm starting to take you for granted. And its not fair to you, really.
so... bye.
Food for thought: sometimes I'd wonder, considering I've got most of the bad genes/traits, what if I had an older or younger brother. What would he be like?